What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:17
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
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I was 9 years of age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Do guys ever want to suck a dick even though they are straight?
Put me off passion for life!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
When she asked me how she looked .
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And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was scared of men, in general
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Has Pope Francis signed a document that gay men can now become priests?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Was Michael Jackson really an innocent person?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do you think it is bad to allow people to self-identify as a different gender?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She found it foreign!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I waited trembling.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was seconnd youngest,
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What did i know ?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Who then, do I blame.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He knew the spot.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She married twice! .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ive learnt so much.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But it wasn’t much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She loved him until the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And i lived it daily.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I have no regrets .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
All the time i was locked up.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I will be 64.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I couldn’t, believe it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I don,t even have a pension.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We all went to grammer schools
We were not on the streets..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was very sick at this time too.
Would this be the day?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So whats the point in blame.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Comes on , in middle age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot live in the past .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I think the readers, may guess!
But, we were locked up after school.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My life is so biszare .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was in good health!
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She wouldn,t have been !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .